margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
