she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
