i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
