I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
