New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
