Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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