sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
