69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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