I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
