So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
