wrigley field is MILF paradise
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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