I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
