woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
