Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
