just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
