i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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