Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
