I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
