Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
