Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
