You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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