I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
