its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
bring money and cleavage
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Mom said you looked used
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
