is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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