Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
