The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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