my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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