listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
