If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize