but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
