dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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