omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
