Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
