so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
