what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
