he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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