I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Randomize
