So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize