Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
