she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
