K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
