She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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