in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
porn star boner night. come get it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
