just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
