just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Barsexuality is the new black.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Actions speak louder than pants.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
