You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
