Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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