I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
