4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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