Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
