Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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