i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
