I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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