oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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