My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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