so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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