Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
