she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
