If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
