Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
