She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
