lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
