Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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