I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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