I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
