Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
