I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
