I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
