and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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