Your face is a jimmy john
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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