Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
