i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize