I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
