weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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