It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
