Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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