if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
