I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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