One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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