I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
