he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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