I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
