everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
