dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We have so much sex to catch up on
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
