its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
