She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
