Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
