Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
