she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
