I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
