I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Found the puke drawer
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
