umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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