Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
