OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
