Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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