24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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