i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
