when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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