I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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