Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
