Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize