call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
