just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
