Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize