i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
