It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
