Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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