i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
